Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Randomize
