I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
