i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
