Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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