yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize