Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
