Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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