Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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