would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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