I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
