do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
