Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
