Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
