I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
