The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is the high leading the old right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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