I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
