I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
