Your face is a jimmy john
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
