why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
