She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You may now shotgun with the bride
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
