She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
