My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
