Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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