just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
