We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
