i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
