Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
