You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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