Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
