You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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