Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
