my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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