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just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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