yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize