girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize