Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
