WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
