I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
