ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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