you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
