Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best revenge is premature balding
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
