I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
