Just cropdusted the office
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
