A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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