youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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