i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you had me at cake vodka
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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