I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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