I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
