One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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