Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
