Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
