so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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