I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
