Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
