I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
