Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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