I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
