handjob tips. give me some.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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