He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
