I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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