When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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