Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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