My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
