Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
