How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
