just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
