i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
